Extreme Empathy

Sometimes I really question how I am ever supposed to “make it” through a “normal” length of life here on this planet when after 34 years I am still traumatized and sobbing over the fact that I just saw a spider in my kitchen with a very small bug dangling from its tentacles.  Ten minutes prior to this viewing I saw the little bug crawling across the counter looking happy as can be.

How can this world be so cruel?  My first instinct was to be angry at the “evil” spider for taking away the life of that innocent bug; however, upon this thought I was reminded that for the last several days this same spider has been hanging in that spot looking very hungry and weak.  Is it really their* fault that they are intuitively wired to derive their nourishment from the lives of other creatures?  Is it? I seriously doubt it and was therefore sent into a tailspin of empathy for them as well and the difficulty of a life that is dependent upon extinguishing other life in order to survive.

So in a mere five minutes I experienced deep pain and empathy for both sides of this equation.  I hurt and cried as though each of their lives were my own.  This has been my experience for as long as I can remember although I spent a good portion of my life hiding this from others and often even from myself by using things like food and alcohol to numb out the pain.

But now that I am in a place where I can hide no more and have been for quite some time, I tell you this life is quite the roller-coaster of very deep emotions.  That being said, it is WHO I AM.  It is horrible and beautiful at the same time.  I am both blessed and cursed to be able to sense and feel so much.

And those sentiments right there, riddled with their extreme duality, are such a vast representation of the entirety of life on this planet.  Both my emotions as well as the story of the creatures themselves.

I send you love little bug.  I hope you had a good life.  And spider, I send you love as well. I am sorry for your pain but I also see your beauty in the lessons you are here to teach. And self, I love you too.  Just the way you are.

I love you

Tanni

 

*whenever preferred gender title is unknown I use the pronouns “they”, “them” and “their” etc as these are all inclusive

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Dear Tanni, this duality of life/death – is simply part of the 3rd and 4th dimension. Your LOVE is strong and you probably don’t exist in these dimensions but in the 5th or higher one, However we are all still occupied in the lower dimensions until we as a group reach a group size to expand together. It is certainly coming quickly 😀 My emotions too have increased so much – I too don’t like seeing any pain of any life. Thank you for sharing your Love ❤ ❤

    1. Tanni says:

      ❤️❤️❤️

  2. Tesha Young says:

    I think that us why I’ve been drawn to your channel. I can relate in someways. I need to find a balance because I feel everything around me. You did a video that helped me about putting the light around you before going into public. It usually would pertain to people but I have also recognized depression in dogs as well as their pride and happiness if they feel treasured. One day I noticed an abandoned dog it was a lower income area coldish day. I felt his feelings as he wal I ed he didn’t understand why his family is gone now he felt more rejected and confused than anything but I give to him he did keep walking forward. .but he didn’t look excited nor particularly interested in where he was going. .probably trusting his instincts idk but I could feel his missing his family deeply. Then in same neighborhood I found another wondering dog..this is not uncommon for thus area..and he/she was cold. Not necessarily upset about abandonment but not ad optimistic as many dogs even on their own could be. I wasn’t in the position to help I thought what but can I do my life/ health was so vulnerable I sat there crying until I couldn’t stand the world and I didn’t know how I could live in this world anymore. I eventually tree covered from that day…but most people don’t understand how extreme it is to feel things when you feel things more than what is typical. Thank you for posting your experiences for those of us that feel alone.

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