One Step at a Time…..it Really DOES Fall in Line……

I never thought I would be sitting here. I never thought I would see what I am seeing.

My life started to crumble before me and the pieces were scattering faster than I could attempt to collect them and put them back together. I didn’t want to go into the hole and I fought with everything I had to stay above ground and in the light. But I wasn’t successful. I fell in. I sank.

I spent some time in that dark hole trying to figure out what to do. There were a lot of thoughts and ideas that I stumbled across but the thing was that I felt helpless. I felt like I was so far down that nothing I could ever do would get me to the surface again. Sure, I might crawl up a couple of notches in the dirt but would I really ever see that light?

Sentiments such as “take it one day at a time,” or “just take one step” felt so useless! One step? One step out of how many? A million? When is this ever going to happen?!?!

It has been almost 2 years (I really can’t believe this) since my life started to fall apart. I won’t get into a bunch of specific detail about all of it but I will tell you (for gauging purposes) that the reasons I fell into my dark tunnel and what happened to me while I was in there cover what I genuinely feel are a spectrum of very difficult issues. But guess what………..

I took a step. And then I took another. And then another. And then another. And then I took a step backward. And then I took another step forward. And then I took two more steps backward. But then I took three steps forward. And I didn’t see the light yet but I saw the tiniest little ray, and so I took another step forward.

I am still taking steps. But they become more and more apparent to me each day. The light is here. I can see it. I can feel it. I know that it will just keep getting brighter.

I have never been a patient person when it comes to waiting for change. But you know what? This day will pass. Even if it is the worst day of my life and I have absolutely nothing to do all day except stare at the clock. I can make it through and I will have a tomorrow.

Little by little I watch my life fall into place. And it is such a beautiful thing to watch. It makes me smile. It makes me sing. It makes me bawl uncontrollably. I just feel so fortunate to have a life. I want to feel it, I want to touch it; I want to taste it. I want every minute of it, even if it is hard. I don’t want to waste a second.

And I can’t believe that I got here by taking one step.