I never thought I would be sitting here.  I never thought I would see what I am seeing.

My life started to crumble before me and the pieces were scattering faster than I could attempt to collect them and put them back together.  I didn’t want to go into the hole and I fought with everything I had to stay above ground and in the light.  But I wasn’t successful.  I fell in.  I sank.

I spent some time in that dark hole trying to figure out what to do.  There were a lot of thoughts and ideas that I stumbled across but the thing was that I felt helpless.  I felt like I was so far down that nothing I could ever do would get me to the surface again.  Sure, I might crawl up a couple of notches in the dirt but would I really ever see that light?

Sentiments such as “take it one day at a time,” or “just take one step” felt so useless!  One step?  One step out of how many?  A million?  When is this ever going to happen?!?!

It has been almost 2 years (I really can’t believe this) since my life started to fall apart.  I won’t get into a bunch of specific detail about all of it but I will tell you (for gauging purposes) that the reasons I fell into my dark tunnel and what happened to me while I was in there cover what I genuinely feel are a spectrum of very difficult issues.  But guess what………..

I took a step.  And then I took another.  And then another.  And then another.  And then I took a step backward.  And then I took another step forward.  And then I took two more steps backward.  But then I took three steps forward.  And I didn’t see the light yet but I saw the tiniest little ray, and so I took another step forward.

I am still taking steps.  But they become more and more apparent to me each day.  The light is here.  I can see it.  I can feel it.  I know that it will just keep getting brighter.

I have never been a patient person when it comes to waiting for change.  But you know what?  This day will pass.  Even if it is the worst day of my life and I have absolutely nothing to do all day except stare at the clock.  I can make it through and I will have a tomorrow.

Little by little I watch my life fall into place.  And it is such a beautiful thing to watch.  It makes me smile.  It makes me sing.  It makes me bawl uncontrollably.  I just feel so fortunate to have a life.  I want to feel it, I want to touch it; I want to taste it.  I want every minute of it, even if it is hard.  I don’t want to waste a second.

And I can’t believe that I got here by taking one step.

Take a step.  Do it for you.  You are a beautiful, wonderful, loving person and you deserve the life that is waiting for you.

~Spread LOVE~

~Tanni