Autism Diagnosis at 32

I fear that nothing I write here will do justice to the validation I felt when I heard these words.

It was one of the best moments of my life.  Not because of the particular label necessarily, just the fact that I had finally been given one for the feelings I had been experiencing for so long.

Something was always different. 

I was an outsider looking in. 

I loved this planet but it wasn’t mine.  I was clearly left here by mistake. 

I was often misunderstood and sometimes even feared which was quite baffling.   

Actually quite a lot was baffling here but it wasn’t because I lacked intelligence. 

I have been afraid to share this thing that I learned about myself.  I have worried that no one would believe me as I noticed early on that I should probably cover it up because it wasn’t very acceptable and so I did with full force.  I was also concerned that such a disclosure would make me look as though I was trying to be special or get attention.

But I don’t want to hide anymore.  It is exhausting and in general not fun at all.  Besides, by nature I am actually a very honest and open person and it feels good to share even if it is terrifying at times.

I plan to blog a lot more about this topic in the future so if you are interested then please stay tuned.

And in the meantime please know that the thing I desire most in life is actually not so different from everyone else.  I just want to be loved and accepted for being exactly who I am.

I love you


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